A lot of drama in week two as the upsets start popping up around the country. Still, it is the time of year you muddle through a lot of games that suck in hopes of finding the rare jewel that doesn’t. And hopefully that jewel doesn’t turn out to be just a middle eastern guy that is immune to fire like in that horrible sequel with Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas. Well, let’s get ready to plunge knee deep into the Retort and see if we can’t find some diamonds in the poo-poo. (Obscure Emmitt Smith quote reference.)
20/20 Hindsight:
Texas 41 - Wyoming 10
Attitude faced off against altitude as the Longhorns head from 7000 feet below normal to 7000 feet above sea level to face off against the Cowboys of Wyoming. Never mind that the entire state of Wyoming has just over five times as many people as the capacity of Joe Jamail Taco Bell Field at Darrell K Royal Memorial Stadium, this one was much closer than the score indicates. The Longhorns only led 13-10 at the half after a failed fake punt and a failed fake field goal left them exuding fake confidence. Still, the target of Brent Musburger’s sinful thoughts was able to rally his team back to a large win and calm the nerves for the millions of people that own Longhorn t-shirts that missed the second half after they kicked a Birkenstock shaped hole in their plasma TV.
Toledo 54 - Colorado 38
Oh dear. Things are not going so well for 4th year coach Dan Hawkins after he predicted “10 Wins and No Excuses”. This is going to be especially difficult given that they only have 10 games remaining on their schedule. Of course, who knows, maybe a team that can’t beat Toledo can win out with a schedule that includes four ranked opponents. Hudson Hawkins also made the astute observation that “There were just too many big plays.” When your opponent averages TEN yards per play, I’m pretty sure the problem is also that there weren’t any small plays.
Kansas 34 - UTEP 7
The Kansas defense was the story here as they held the Mike Price’s Miners scoreless until late in the 4th quarter. Mike Price is of course, the coach best known for losing the Alabama job before he even started after getting caught with his pickaxe in a Florida stripper. Between he and Mangino, they have 2/7 of the deadly sins covered.
Iowa 35 - Iowa State 3
Nebraska 38 - Arkansas St 9
For two schools that are almost anagrams of each other, this game was quite the mismatch. The Cornhuskers jumped out to an early lead and didn’t look back as they roll over the Red Wolves from Arkansas State. Of course, that is what you get when you name yourself after a really lame beer from the late 90s.
Missouri 27 - Bowling Green 20
In another game where the Big XII team started off sluggish and then roared back, the Missouri Tigers actually trailed Bowling Green 13 – 6 at the half before finally rattling off 21 points in the second half to take the win. I tried to come up with some joke about “Bowling Green.”
Oklahoma 64 - Idaho St 0
This is the kind of game that makes me hate non conference. Not only did Oklahoma beat up on a team from I-AA (I refuse to call it the Football Championship Series Division), they beat up on a I-AA team that was 1 – 11 last season. This was only slightly less of a ridiculous matchup than in UFC 54 when Kimbo Slice took on that girl from Little Miss Sunshine. The Sooners scored more points than their opponent had total yards (44 yards), but didn’t prove anything about how well they bounced back after having their quarterback’s eyes knocked straight. During the midweek, Stoops plans to go have a limbo contest on “Shaq vs.” where the winner has to wear a stupid visor.
ULaLa 17 - Kansas St 15
I don’t think anyone has been this surprised by an ULaLa since Marty McFly finally retrieved his sports almanac from Biff Tanner in Back to the Future II, only to find that all but the cover had been replaced by a fictitious 1950s skin mag. Yes, I realize I referenced this last week, but this is what the paid ones in the industry refer to as a “call back”. It’s supposed to be funny.
Texas Tech 55 - Rice 10
In a matchup that proves the equation: Football Prowess = 1 / Admission Standards, the Red Raiders pounded the Rice Owls in Lubbock. Oh, c’mon. It’s been FIVE YEARS, give me ONE before you clog up my inbox. The good news for the Tech offense is that Potts bounced back from a lackluster first outing to throw 7 TDs and 456 yards with no interceptions. Lucky for Tech, their offense will be hungry again in a couple of hours.
Houston 45 - Oklahoma State 35
Definitely the most intriguing game of the week. I said this one had derailment potential, but I didn’t actually think it would happen. Houston hang tough with the Oklahoma State Bearded Dennis Hoppers and go ahead for good on a 4th and 7 play that was tipped by the defender before being caught in the end zone. I don’t think a group of young Cowboys have been this upset by a group of Cougars since the lights came on at closing time down at the Dry Tumbleweed. After the game, Cougar coach Kevin Sumlin actually said, “For us as a program, this is a big win because it legitimizes our university.” Somewhere, this led to a scrambling e-Chancellor from University of Phoenix to issue a press release bragging about how they had won 6
straight championships on dynasty mode in NCAA 2009.
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Story courtesy of Psychoag at www.raiderpower.com
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