The Weakly Retort is back! PsychoAg joins us again for the first edition of the Weakly Retort in 2009. A fan favorite since 2005, the Retort takes a light-hearted look at the college football landscape, with a specific emphasis on the Big 12.
Introduction:
Hello. My name is Psychoag, and I’m a sportsoholic. Football, basketball, baseball, even curling. I watch them all. Except soccer. Soccer is a pseudosport used to train kids how to run around aimlessly until they are old enough to play Football. Two O’s, two L’s, no U. Football. The most glorious sport of them all. Even better is College Football, and that is what brings us together today. (If you want to read my soccer blog, visit http://ihavenomanparts.com)
If my count is correct, this is Season 5, and I can only hope that unlike most Season 5s (see “Friends”), this column will not begin leaping any fierce aquatic creatures. I have been told that I do some of my best writing when my soul is pained, and so given that my Aggies are picked to finish dead last in the conference, this could be the year I finally win a Web Pulitzer, if in fact there is such a thing…
What can you expect this season? Well, I believe the Guy Morriss “showering with your sister” line of humor has officially been retired due to the statute of limitations. However, since Sam Bradford has decided to return as quarterback of the Sooners, you can rest assured that the “cross-eyed monster” joke series will be in full effect. Unless Mark Mangino slathers him in gravy and devours him first. Each week you will get the recaps and precaps, plus the creamy center of the Oreo known as “My 98 Cents Worth”. I also plan to continue the YouTube features, especially now that I have upgraded to an HD camcorder. In fact, I have one planned for the A&M – Tech game, so if you are going to be there and would like to be a part of the action or even help work out the script, send me an email at psychoag98@yahoo.com.
Oh, sure, I could have pulled a stunt like a certain someone often paired with “& Evelyn” and held out for more money, but I do this for you the fans. And my giant ego. And the owner of Raiderpower who has taken my stuffed Reveille hostage and sends me pictures each Thursday with a Smith and Wesson shoved forcefully in her mouth in order to “motivate” me. I fully expect that line to be edited out. And that one explaining which line I expect to see edited out. Oh dear, I believe I have created an endless loop.
I apologize that this didn’t start up a week ago, but I was in Mexico with my wife celebrating my 10th Anniversary, and there are some things more important than writing an unpaid web column. At least to her.
So, what does the Big XII hold in store for us this year? I’ll save my “predictions” for the middle, so let’s rumble with some recaps
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